Times are grave, life is graver

I feel like I am the only one, who sees her for who she really is! She puts on this show to seem caring, loving, nurturing when she’s around others, but the minute we enter our house, she puts on her cybil mood. If things aren’t done a certain way, or when she wants, she throws her 5th grade hissy fits. As if I don’t have enough to worry about, what with the recession and being a single parent in these times.  But then again, she doesn’t have a maternal bone in her body, so it wouldn’t really bother her.

Yesterday she had the backbone to come home from work and begin with her childish tantrums and hissy fits. I hadn’t gotten the dishes done because Liam had a mommy day and was on my hip, wanting to play, without a carrier, I had no free hands. They would have eventually gotten done probably at 3pm or so. I don’t see why the time slot matters, but she throws a hissy either way. I have a certain schedule to follow.

8:00am -Feed Liam

9:00am -clean up our bedroom (pick up anything off floor, change sheets if needed, make the beds, turn off night lite and radio we used the previous night for Liam.) Change diaper if needed

10:00am -take nap if Liam does because I’m exhausted from the previous night of getting up with him and taking forever to put him back to sleep

11:00am -try to take a shower. Then feed Liam a bottle and change his diaper.

12:00pm – Feed Liam lunch if he didn’t want a bottle at 11am and then change his diaper, then play with him for awhile.

1:00pm -Make all my important phone calls about possible housing I can obtain to get out of here and fill out housing applications online.

2:00 -Feed Liam a bottle if he wants it and play with him for a bit (He gets really antsy staying in one spot for too long, so I’m constantly having to rotate him between play gym’s, playing with me, his swing, bouncy seat and rolling on the floor. He gets fussy pretty quickly.)

3:00 -Finally have the chance to get the dishes done unless Liam is still fussing, but he usually takes a nap about now, so If I’m still tir ed, I try to take a nap with him.)

4:00 -Mom comes home and throws a hissy because the dishes didn’t get done even though I’m usually about to do them, even if I explained that I was busy for most of the day. Sometimes I get tired just running around and need to relax for a moment.

It’s only me taking care of Liam, so it’s hard for me to do alot of things at one time. But mom doesn’t really seem to understand that.

The things that bother me the most, are her complaining that he has alot of toys and play gym’s and what not in the living room. But since we only have a small 2 bedroom apartment, with me sharing a bedroom with Liam that’s pretty small, the living room is the only place I have to put his extra stuff. But it’s all shoved up against a wall and in the corner, so it shouldn’t be a big deal. But she’s always complaining about it and throwing his stuff around, while she mumbles under her breath about it. She would rather not have any of his stuff in the livin g room, but that’s what having a grandson is all about. Your house becomes a playground. She’s never been motherly, so she doesn’t understand that. Then she shoves his carriage between the end of his crib and the foot of my bed in this little nook and cranny spot that makes it so I will be kicking the carriage all night will I sleep. Because the end of his crib is up against the side of the foot of my bed so as it makes an L shape. Now I can’t keep that there, so I moved it agains the night stand I use for his little baskets full of lotion and baby bath wash and what not, but I tripped over it last night trying to get out of the door of my room to get Liam a bottle. She knows we are crammed in the room with no space, because she made me put almost all of his belongings in there, but she didn’t care, or offer to help me find a solution to that problem. It was in the hall closet, but she took it out last night and put it in my room. It’s not fair to Liam or me, to have to live with the unbelievable clutter that is our room, but it doesn’t bother her, because her living spaces are free of clutter now that we have everything in our room.

Another thing, is that she barely spends any time with her grandson. She works all day and when she comes home, she can’t be bothered with spending time with him. She warrants 15 minutes as spending time with him. She’ll come talk to him, go take a shower, put her work stuff away and put her bedroom t.v. on. Then she’ll come talk to him for a bit more, maybe hold him for a few minutes and then she’s in her bedroom for most of the night watching t.v. The weekends, she says, are for spending time with him, even though we live in the same house, but sometimes she’ll take off with her husband for most of the weekend to go do errands and then when she comes home, she’s up his butt. She spent way more time with my son Gavin, when he was born 8 years ago. She was always with him. I guess she’s changed alot, for the worse.  She makes me so mad.

The worst thing she does, is take her loser, alcoholic husbands side when she should be taking her daughters, her blood’s side. Like when he was talking bad about me and saying un-called for things the other night, like when I had to get the last bit of our laundry done, but didn’t have enough money, because I support Liam and I off Tanif for the moment because I can’t go back to work due to him not wanting to stay with anyone and crying horribly. I only get 600 a month. He said, when he found out my mom was taking it to work to do, because her boss doesn’t mind, he knows the situation. He said “well, tell her to throw the laundry over her shoulder and call a cab to go do it”. And I flipped, saying I don’t have the money to spend on a cab all the way to salem nh, I have to support my son singly, by myself and I don’t have that extra luxury money to throw away. If I did, I would, maybe you should try raising a son by yourself on state assistance and tell me if you have the extra money to spend on a cab. Then I thought of something he had said the night of his birthday. when I made a comment about some women become bitches when they date a man that makes them that way. And how I was celibate for a year and a half, talking to my friend chris about this, not him. And I was happy to be that way. He made a drunken comment like “you have to have a man first” That not only hurt, but pissed me off. I brought that up the other night and said, “I’ve had a man thank you, that’s how my son was conceived and he was a better man ten times than you are”. My mom said I had to forgive him for what he said or did, because we all had to live here and other people felt uncomfortable with us not talking. So basically she’s saying how I felt didn’t matter and I had to be the bigger man, as usual for the 500th time when he says and does shit that’s uncalled for to me. Honestly, I think that’s wrong. We’re never in the same room anways, so I don’t understand how it would matter to anyone and he could give a shit less, because he doesn’t like me very much, due to the fact that unlike my mother, he knows I won’t take his emotional, verbal alcoholic abuse and I’ll tell him like it is.

One Response to “Times are grave, life is graver”

  1. Gretchen Says:

    I found your blog because it automatically linked to mine because of some blueberry bars and I am so sorry you are having to go through this hardship.

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